There’s something strange about being a millennial.
Even when we finally get the chance to rest,
a part of us still feels guilty for it.
I don’t know if it came from how we were raised,
or from watching our parents survive adulthood looking permanently exhausted.
But somewhere along the way,
many of us learned that resting only became acceptable after complete burnout.
Not before.
Never before.
We became a generation that glorified being “busy.”
Busy meant productive.
Productive meant useful.
Useful meant worthy.
And if you weren’t constantly doing something?
You felt lazy.
Even now, I still catch myself doing it.
Life has finally slowed down a little for me.
My children are growing bigger.
I’m no longer surviving the newborn phase with permanent sleep deprivation.
I finally got my driver’s license in my thirties.
I’m learning new things again.
Taking online courses.
Studying Hangul.
Writing.
Exploring interests I buried for years because survival came first.
And sometimes, while doing these things,
I suddenly realise:
Oh.
This is what living is supposed to feel like.
Not just surviving.
Living.
But healing can feel unfamiliar when your nervous system spent years preparing for the next problem.
Sometimes I sit down to rest and immediately feel like I forgot something important.
Like I should be working.
Cleaning.
Replying someone.
Fixing something.
Planning ahead.
Preparing for disaster.
Even joy used to feel like something I had to earn first.
And I think a lot of millennials understand this feeling without needing it explained too much.
We were raised during a strange transition period.
Many of us grew up hearing things like:
“Don’t be lazy.”
“Other people have it harder.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Just tahan a bit longer.”
So we became adults who kept enduring everything quietly.
Even exhaustion.
Especially exhaustion.
But maybe healing starts when you realise rest is not laziness.
Rest is not weakness.
Rest is what happens when your body finally believes it survived.
Maybe that’s why things feel different for me now.
I’m not rushing through life the same way anymore.
I still have responsibilities.
Still have worries.
Still have hard days.
But now, I also let myself enjoy small things without feeling guilty about it.
Learning a new language.
Watching BTS content at night.
Writing nostalgic blog entries.
Drinking coffee slowly.
Driving somewhere alone.
Listening to music while everyone else is asleep.
Small things.
But after spending so many years in survival mode,
small things start feeling sacred.
Maybe millennials aren’t lazy for wanting rest.
Maybe we’re just tired in ways we never properly acknowledged.
Ummi Noi